This Ain't Where I Went to Bed Last Night
by NabikiB
Summary: Intro inside


_**I dare anyone to try to find an excuse to turn this OC character into a MarySue. Tis why I use Grandmothers as OCs...lots of general health and mobility issues. People using crutches and walkers to remain in a mostly up-right position and somewhat mobile do not good superheroes make.**_

 _ **This Ain't Where I Went to Bed Last Night**_

* * *

She kept putting it off until near the very end of a free outdoor concert where she'd been when he first spread a quilt nearby and then her mind went into sort of a confused turmoil. She really would not have loved _anything_ better than to get to know this particular version of this man a lot better, but mostly, she _really_ didn't want to be a pest. She knew she _should_ say something, though. Right now, however, she had a more pressing need since she needed to find a bathroom, and that meant she had a problem...how to get up. Her hips had stiffened and one of her ankles had locked from being on the ground as evening fell and the dew with it.

Even with her crutches, it was going to be a painful chore and she knew it. Choosing not to bother him after all, she stopped watching him with a sigh of clear affection he could have seen had he looked and tried to get to her feet. Had her bladder not been so full and her need correspondingly urgent, she would not have failed to predict the Doctor's reaction to a arthritic woman who was so stiff and hurt that she could not even stand up. But it was and so her mind was on other things entirely.

With her attention on _that_ problem, she also forgot how close he was until after several failed attempts to get up, she felt cool hands under her arms and strong arms that lifted her up and steadied her until she got her crutches under her properly. He gave her an odd glance when she only froze, but _didn't_ startle. After a moment he could feel her give into temptation and just leaned the back of her head against his shoulder, let out a long, slow sigh and relaxed.

She knew who he was and had no problem just giving over control since it really had been a few years since she truly trusted her body from the hips down. She knew who and what this man was...he wasn't going to drop her or let her fall. He had the strength, he had the knowledge and for her it _was_ a relief. She still had to tell him what was going on with her, but heck, it wasn't as if she'd yanked herself _and_ all seven cats, _plus_ her little trailer through to _his_ universe, now, was it? When that bit crossed her surface mind, he raised an eyebrow and dug in his trouser pocket. After a moment, she heard the buzz of the sonic and stifled a chuckle.

"So, what happened to make you unable to get up?"

"Nothing serious, just lots of really small things all at once. Like _bad_ connective tissues and balls in sockets. And a _lot_ of inflammation, arthritis, that sort of thing." She still didn't step away. "I'm pretty sure, with this you, I know what you picked up. So, yeah, I knew who you were when you came over...I just didn't want to bother you. Because seriously, 'relax' and 'Doctor' are not two words most people would use in the same sentence."

He had not told her she was broadcasting...and had been doing so since long before he actually managed to locate her, spreading his ground cover nearby as he monitored his unexpected admirer. He had known she was from another space in Time, but when she got a good look at _him_ , her emotions turned into a funny mix of shock, realization, relief and _open_ affection. She _knew_ who and what he was, knew _which_ him he was and thought he was too good for her...which was silly.

"You, um. You're broadcasting...your shields are very strange. No self of mine would have a problem...they'd open up and I can slip right in, not just any Time Lord, though _...just me_."

"Well, where from I've been hoping but not really sure you were out there or that we even had a you, but I've wanted a Doctor where I live for a long time. I've got nothing to hide, regardless of the body you're on, so why bar the way when unneeded? I've got doors up with each face that should not see what's there with a mauve colored stripe across and those that may as well, minus the stripe. Your rules, not mine: Same goes for your ship except moreso...because _she's_ not barred, period."

He froze and she felt the motion of his head coming around to stare at her.

"Sorry, there's only so many ways to tell you. Especially when I'm after permission to stay _here_. I'd way rather live somewhere that you're real." Then she turned 'puppy' eyes on him with no shame _whatsover_. Confronted by that in the face of a woman who genuinely _needed_ him at the moment, he folded.

"Ah...okay, that's a new one. Thank you."

"And I was still trying to wrap my head around the fact that I actually heard you land. None of what I was expecting, no television cameras, no green screens, no props, crews, actors... _nothing_ to indicate an episode being filmed _in my immediate vicinity_..."

"Poor thing." He laughed softly. "No wonder you were confused. Used to me being fictitious, aren't you?"

"I didn't want to be a pest, but I also knew I _should_ say something, chickened out and decided I didn't want to just barge over or disturb you while you were _enjoying_ yourself. I'm sorry."

"No need. I can handle _this_ easily. You'll move into the TARDIS of course."

* * *

"I'm not like most people you run into, for one thing, I'm gonna do the _smart_ thing and just let this you handle it, I can't even walk well, after all. This you likes to fuss and I don't mind. Although, that's not an across the board sort of thing. That's a 'you're Eight...the short, sweet, pretty, adorably _empathic_ one', thing. It's also, an "If you were Six or Seven, or Eleven, _no way_ , and yeah, I already know about the _regeneration_ thing _and_ the _bigger on the inside_ , thing."

He smiled nervously. "No Six, Seven or Eleven, got it, okay. Why? Wait...did you just call me 'pretty'?"

"Yes, I did." She smiled at him then continued, "Basic, run of the mill, personality clash: For instance, Six, I'd introduce to the back of my hand pretty fast... _nobody_ speaks to me like _that_ and gets away with it. Seven, I'd prank 'cuz the manipulative little ship you were last go deserved pranks and the Eleven you will eventually be, I'd find a way to ensure got a good hard spanking." She grinned as his eyebrows shot up. "You have fan-base in the tens of millions, back home, by the way, trust me on this, if the real Eleven pulls even half the shit the one on TV did, he _deserves_ a spanking... _on the bare_. In public, preferably in front of UNIT...Middle-aged, American _fan-girl_ , that's me, Doctor."

 _"Um."_

"Just figured to get the 'damned near domestic stuff' and the 'things almost guaranteed to make the Doctor, any Version, uncomfortable' out out of the way first, so we can both relax."

"Alright, good points...lean against this tree and your crutches while I get us both packed up and then get you to the TARDIS. Which joints?"

"Hips, knees, ankles, right shoulder, plus there's some pelvic, thoracic and upper spinal issues: All that doesn't count minor soft-tissue failure, few small but important valve failures, the silent migraines or the gallbladder issues."

"That's quite a bit."

"Yeah, been a passenger in a few traffic accidents and got hit by a hit and run driver once. Takes it's toll." She shrugged. "You _asked_. Mind you, that's just the stuff I'm aware of, there's likely to be more."

"Yes, it _would_. And yes, I did. Not used people telling me the unabridged _truth_ when I ask, though. Come'on, then."

"Cool, let's see...Seven put the Goth desktop in, do you still have it or have you upgraded to Victorian yet? Victorian was in much, much better taste, by the way, suited this you far better. Best to leave the Gothic crap with the manipulative _little shit_ you were last go. Never understood why Ace didn't just _spank_ you."

"Yes..." He drawled, helplessly smiling at the way she was looking at him. "I still have the Goth. Was considering the alteration. Must admit, I'm glad you weren't about to put that notion into Ace's head...she _would_ have."

* * *

"Gonna have to ask your Lady about the stairs thing. I'm doing good to _walk_ , put stairs in front of me and what you're gonna get is a great big fat _**'Are you nuts, lady?'**_."

He started laughing again as he picked the rest of her things up, pocketed them and then got a supportive arm around the woman again, on the left this time. She didn't hesitate to grab his shoulder from behind as a balance point instead of using the crutch on that side, he was far less likely to slip on the wet ground.

Fortunately, the timeship was only a few feet away. There was a restroom next to an elevator waiting for her, she patted the very edge of the console, "Thank you darlin'. I really, really have to pee...bad." She told the ship and lurched to it with as much haste as she could manage...that said, there wasn't much.

"When he goes to the Vickie version, can we have the Hogwart's library?" She asked, when she came back out. "And the stairs, those things would be under _your_ control and that means I'd be safe and not need to actually try to climb, so they'd be neat to have."

The Doctor laughed out loud at the requests.

"I need to get some pain relief into you, _she_ thinks...and I agree."

"I'm stiff from being on the ground when the dew hit. Got chilled and everything from my hips down just...sort of _locked_ up." She grunted a little as he eased her into the lift.

"I see that."

"I like most of your forms, some better than others, mind, but I can't say as I'm sorry to have gotten the eye-candy one."

* * *

 _"Eye-candy?"_ He spluttered, not sure if that was a compliment or not. She had mentioned she thought he was pretty though...he eyed her suspiciously.

"Yeah, really, _really_ easy on the eyes. You got _lucky_ this time...that means that so did _everyone_ else. Well...the _females_ , anyway. _We_ can look our fill, guys have a harder time doing that openly: We're talking about that _seriously_ cool 'yum' factor that you've got going on, this go."

He laughed softly. "You truly do appear rather fond of this particular form."

"Yeah. I am. I have several favorites, but this one is on the top of the shortlist. I _love_ long hair on a man, the longer the better, yes...it's _really_ sexy... _hmmm,_ it even has auburn highlights. Great, big, huge, massive yum! Although, mind you, Ten's got the best butt and you wear black jeans _skin tight_ so the big chore is to stop staring at your ass and the second biggest chore would be to not just reach over there, get a good handful and _squeeze_ , Eleven always reminded me of a pinstriped wearing, particularly demented looking, half-grown emu in chucks...one that pretty well _keeps_ a startled expression which from a form that _licks_ everything...well, sort of asking for it, aren't you? Twelve reminds me of a pony. Clomping boots, a forelock, nervous whinnies, snorts lots, horse-jawed, tosses your head a great deal...has a tendency to flap his hands around, rather like pawing the ground. And...that one is adorable. Fragile, Twelve, but sweet-natured."

"I'd regenerate from embarrassment if someone were to just reach over and...! And a crazed, surprised, _licking_ emu? Ew! Give me strength, a pony..." He grunted. "Now, you said several? Which others?"

"Well, Little Two was _adorable_ , Four, Five, this you, _Ten_ and _Twelve_. Jury's still out on Thirteen but so far, I think I like that self and Eleven developed a nasty habit of _deliberately_ not thinking...about anything of worth or value...if that you could find a way to avoid it. The phrase _'stupid time lord'_ should never have made it past the oxymoron barrier but that body managed to lead it through the maze common sense put in the way, then let it in the gate. _Scary_. I mean think about it, combining _your general luck_ with a mostly _inactive_ mind...and please, pass the conclusion you reach ahead...remind yourself that kind of stupidity can kill the universe depending on you."

"Sounds like it." He paused and passed it on as requested, with an irritation that couldn't be hidden from the future self. "Wait... _Thirteen?"_

"Yeah, you got Reset." She told him with a gentle smile. "I will only say that something of a permanently destructive nature happened to the Eye and so by the time you had to make that decision, you had the _option_. Don't ask, I _do_ know the rules and for the really huge stuff...I'll give you a _teaser_ , then tell the TARDIS _instead_ while I'm on the pot or in the shower or something _personal_ like that and then just... _well_ , set back and enjoy watching you wonder what I told her."

"Ouch." He snorted.

 _"We both know_ _ **she's**_ _not going to tell you things you should not know_. And yes, I'm aware you've never won an argument with her when it's a Time Sensitive issue."

 _"Why?"_

* * *

"Cuz one of you needs to know what I know...and she's the safe one to tell it _to_. If _you_ need to know, she'll take of it and she knows the difference. I don't want to screw it up, so since there's a really good chance that I _would_ , I'm gonna just tell her and let _her_ have at it."

"Okay, good points, you're a lot more careful than most humans."

"I don't want to do something to make you ashamed of me."

He looked at her in surprise and then gave her a gentle hug. "It'll be fine, no matter _how_ you learned the 'Do NOT', Check with the TARDIS or the Doctor and the Ask the TARDIS and let _her_ handle the Doctor lists, you still learned them...and...I can't believe I'm actually _admitting_ this, _but_ list number three is always a safe choice."

He got her into the medbay, then lifted her onto a gurney. "Let's see how much of _this_ I can fix, alright?"

"Feel free. I do trust most of you and the ones I'm iffy on...I won't hesitate to ask her to call a different you in to have a little chat or to fix yourself. I freely admit to being a bit underhanded in that regard cuz it's the easiest, most reliable thing to do when the Doctor needs a Doctor...and she'd know which yous to yell _for_. If I'd got stuck with Eleven, I'd be asking her directly after boarding, trust me on that. Might even ask her to paint it mauve, because I can't think of a single good thing that can come of having a malfunctioning Doctor running around."

He stared. "That makes a _frightening_ amount of sense. The council won't like it."

"Yeah, well...if this you has to drop in on or call in any self from Ten onward, the council won't be an issue as long as you remember to place yourself on the future self's time-stream instead of your's. And any before that, well if painting it mauve doesn't work, let me have a little chat and I'll see if I can't scare _them_ , too. Technically, as a non-member of your species, I don't actually have to mind them and while I'll listen to _you_ voluntarily, I'll also tell _them_ exactly, precisely and graphically _where to shove it_. I might even give them suggestions on speed, thrust and depth."

He started laughing. "There's that, too. To their minds, one of us, even me, in authority is better than none."

I'm pretty sure we can get UNIT UK to adopt you and give you citizenship on Earth...which is called Immigration...leaving them holding an empty bag of threats."

"Interesting idea. Wonder why that never occurred to me?"

"Not sure, but you get on much better with Liz 2 than your council...but, there, you can't think of _everything_. As for the reasons you might _want_ to, just do it and then...drop it, Eight. That's not something we need to speak of unless you _want_ reapers _inside_ the ship and in that case, I'm going to have to over-rule you and refuse... _cuz I don't_."

He paled. "Yes, you do that...refuse away. I'm not Ten yet, _thanks_."

* * *

"The teaser is that it's huge, fixed, involves every Time Lord currently in existence, plus whoever the looms are producing, the _entire_ Dalek population, and covers most universes in the multiverse. So, _you don't really need to know right now_. You... _this_ you, will find out in due course. . I'd also recommend that this darlin' ship of your's give the co-ordinates of a universe the older yous will dub Pete's World to the council, tell them the only entities ruling time there are reapers and suggest a colony would be a good idea...loom houses and new graduates, mostly."

" _ **Every**_...no. You're right, that's _huge_." He veered sharply away from the subject nor did he go near it again. The ship had distracted him with the startled agreement that the probabilities for success for a colony placed there in the _now_ would avoid tons of future problems without problems of their own arising. She told him she'd already sent the suggestion to the high council with other readings that all TARDIS' sent in of monitoring general, universal health. Her sisters had confirmed her readings and projections and the council was already getting a breeding colony ready to send over there along with a fleet of youngsters to start bringing Time under strict control...and exile the reapers to the void where they belonged.

"Idris, _darlin'_ , grab my DVDs and the movies from hard drive from my computer and make sure he never sees the movies and such that he should _not_ , before his usual curiosity gets the better of him. Do that for me?"

 _"Idris?"_

"Well she has a real name you know, didn't you ever think to ask her what it is? I can't tell you how _I_ know, cuz that's a Twelfth Body Event...but that doesn't mean I won't be polite enough to _use_ it."

He spluttered at her.

"The tv show has you down cold, _Eight_. Right down to the colors of the speckles in your eyes. I'm _really_ nervous about what _else_ they might have got right. So, I'd be a lot more comfortable if she took custody of those movies. She knows things you don't, you have gray areas she doesn't have and I've watched enough of the show to know you'd never be able to let them alone. Big black dragons _we don't need."_

He was silent for a while, busy with his scanners. "Yeah, you're in really rough shape and yes, I can repair it. And I agree, reapers taking over the ship is a _bad_ idea. So removing temptation... _is_ probably smart." He leaned against the wall apparently having a nice little chat so she decided to do what she wanted _most_...which was to doze off.

* * *

She slept right through the hypo sprays, barely twitched when he started three different IVs and never even noticed the dab-on-the-tongue meds he used, hadn't noticed him realize _she_ figured he was busy with his ship and decide to take a nap. She wasn't worried about him in the _slightest_ , he realized. From the way she chattered at him, which sounded a lot like a stream of consciousness, actually, she didn't have _any_ filters up in his presence.

It was flattering...and proof of general trust from someone who apparently knew him better than he knew himself...despite her earlier qualifiers of _which_ personalities she'd give that level of trust _to_...and he smiled. It was rather nice that someone knew future him that well... _even the stupid one_...she was right, the implications of that _was_ a scary thought...and still liked him. She had teased him with friendly affection and used plain human common sense when approaching issues she wasn't sure of.

"I better put her to bed." He murmured, gathering the sleeping human up...she only tried to cuddle him, muttering in her sleep about 'yummy Doctor'. He flushed but carried her to her room anyway. It had a lot of medical items, like bars on the walls to help her move across the room and a few straps overhead but to one side by bed and desk and chairs for her to grab and hoist herself to her feet with. "Yes, I know. She'll be staying, I think. She's not afraid of regeneration and she knows which bodies I'll get in what order...wonder why she wants to talk to or go to Ten, later, instead of Nine...oh, _whatever_. She did seem upset about _something_ that will be during Nine's tenure. Okay, we'll skip next me an put her with...one after...the one she likes the arse of...hope she _doesn't_ grab it." He sulked at his laughing ship. "Oi, it wasn't _that_ funny."

She did ask him to make one, tiny, side-trip before finding the other him...he didn't see any harm in it...just as her asking for a specific other-self did no harm.

* * *

 **~ Double Barrel Doctor ~**

He poked his head out, smiled in a friendly way at himself and started explaining in rapid Gallifreyan. Ten just nodded, "I remember now. Let me go get a gurney if I still have those IVs in?"

"Third lot, yes. She just got done with the chewing out the council and informing them that I'd immigrated to Earth and changed my _universal_ address...and was no longer a Gallifreyan resident since I had citizenship in the UK...which had them spitting like a Braih 4 _jartti_ in fury."

"I remember that too. Just like I have two sets of memories now for _several_ things." Ten groused at himself. "S'confusin'. Got to admit, like the second set better."

"I'm not dropping Granny off with you, not until two bodies further on. She told me that tagging your me for this conversation during a week sans Rose was preferred, I retrieved a much older one from a parallel universe where she'd gotten trapped on next us' watch...Granny says the one after you is just a wee bit... _stupid_ , see? Rose ran into a Situation I've been informed, that will be blindingly obvious once your me is in the middle of it. I'm to tell your me that Rose won't age, after that. Part TARDIS intervention, part something nobody will tell me. Two Somethings, actually. No, I've been told in no uncertain terms that unless I wanted her to give Rose _visual_ lessons to go along with rather graphic verbal instructions, in exactly what she can get away with when I'm your me, to take Granny to Twelve instead. Remember what she told this me about that us, the black jeans and our...rear?"

"She would, wouldn't she? She'd show Rose exactly how to... _yeah_ , take her to Twelve. I'd regenerate out of embarrassment." Then he grinned broadly. "At least she hasn't had the chance to introduce _this_ me as Doctor Yummy."

Eight winced...the older human female had done so at least twice...and those were the ones he was actually present for. He was pretty sure there _had_ been others. A long slow nodding grin from his elder self made him sigh. "Who?"

"Sixteen year old Kate Stuart...who agreed. Remember that autograph she wanted you to sign? There ya go."

" _Poster_ , you mean. From her stuff in the trailer, proving that she was telling the truth...it had copyright information on it."

"Mmmm. Half tempted...but, no. Don't really want to have keep my backside to a wall _that_ much."

* * *

Older Rose walked out of Eight's TARDIS, wrapped a hand around the back of the younger self's neck, gave him a long, slow, open mouth kiss...taking advantage of his small gasp of shock to slip her tongue in...and the next second he was kissing her back. Granny leaned on her walker cackling with glee. "Toldja so, miss smarty pants."

Rose was grinning broadly as she turned to look at the old woman.

"Now that one, the one that has young you, the one that spoke 'run' to you first? No defenses against you at all. None. Of course, amongst other things, you actively encourage him to show off...which he likes."

"OI!"

"Well...do you?"

"Um... _well_ , uh..."

"Yeah, there ya go. She _knows_ why her younger self is at her mama's, 'Kay...just like she knows younger Rose thinks you hate her now."

"Oh, no...Rose, _no_..."

"I know, Doctor... _now_. Not then, though. I do know that watching you get eaten was the most painful thing possible, it was the direct reason and cause of that unmistakable bit this you mentioned. I refuse to lose you. I don't give a rat's arse which you I have, but I have to be with you...I love you so much, it's scary how much I love you. But I had to tell Granny I'd like to pass on the arse grabbing lessons...'cuz I think," She reached around and got a good handful of Eight's ass and squeezed, "That I pretty well have that in hand." She deadpanned.

Ten choked as Eight yelped and Granny just laughed. "Good girl, Doctors, whatever the face, will _never_ make the first move. You have to make it unmistakably clear they're wanted...easiest way is to simply cop a feel. Of course, now that Ten knows you've got past the packaging, he might be more inclined to..."

"Oi, private that!"

"Not until there's a 'that' to be private about, old man." She told Ten, still grinning. "Now, Eight, you get me back up the ramp and let Rose go chase Navy around the console..."

Right before Eight's door closed, she poked her head out. "Rose ain't wearing _nothin'_ under that little bitty skirt, y'know." She told him, watched him flush, eyes riveted to the lacy hem suddenly and pulled her head back inside, cackling again.

* * *

"Not fair, how is he supposed to resist...oh." He muttered. "Nevermind, dumb question."

"Well, she nailed you few times already, didn't she?"

"Yeah, she did."

"You're going to need those memories, Doctor. Lock them but make sure they cannot be lost or removed or retrieved by anyone but you and your ship. I cannot stress this enough. You will need sure and certain knowledge that the younger version is waiting for you." She said nothing more, but turned to the supported seat the ship had put in for her and waited for him to help her with the fastenings.

* * *

 **~ TBC ~**


End file.
